Cake; Or, How I've broken 2 of My 3 Resolutions Today

I made cake for our small group this week, and since we didn't eat it all at group, I've taken it upon myself to finish it off. My goodness, it's good. It's a banana cake that isn't too banana-y, not too sweet, and has a nice finish of homemade coconut icing. YUM. Here's the link; I think this will be a main contender for E's first birthday cake. Yes, this is something that I think about regularly. I know that's weird.

I didn't exercise today. Or yesterday. Or last week. But I have an excuse: Elias got sick for the first time. And I was sick with him. We were so miserable. Sigh. It's over now, but my sleep has not been caught up with, so I've been taking it easy. And eating cake. Double sigh. But! I'm only about 10 lbs away from the weight I was at before Elias. I'm getting there.

But! I've been reading the Bible every day. And it's been great. And the day before yesterday I got to Job. To which I said, "Yuck." But I felt like I should read it, and it's really been great. Surprisingly so. Looking forward to Barbara getting there too :-) Ms. Barbara, you will be working through Job, won't you??

Resolute

I don't like to make New Year's resolutions, because I know I won't follow them. But, this year I'm making After Baby resolutions.

It's crazy how quickly my life and schedule became all about Elias. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, because it's not. A baby needs that much attention, and I'm happy to give it to him. But there are a few things that have gotten out of step since the pregnancy and especially since he's been born that need to be ushered back in.

Ready? There's only three.

*Ahem*

Read my Bible every day. And by every day, I mean every day. It's like eating wholesome food, and my spirit needs it in a way that is apparent, especially now.

Feed myself like I like myself. If I had a friend over for lunch and fed them a piece of cheese, some chocolate, a banana, and a glass of milk, I wouldn't be a very good friend. So why in the world am I feeding myself that way? This means that I must plan for what I am going to eat for lunch, instead of just what I need to get Jeremy for his lunches. This means healthy, filling foods, that taste good and make me feel physically well.

Exercise several times a week and no dessert before dinnertime. This means that dessert only comes after dinner each day, instead of at 10 a.m. and then again at 3 p.m. and then again right before dinner because I'm so hungry I just can't wait for the food to finish cooking. This one obviously has to do with my weight, which I'm trying to get down after having E and before we have the next one. And really, when I'm eating sugar all day, I feel like crap. And now that my hormone levels are changing again, my skin needs some TLC, and I'm hoping these changes will help out a little.

So I started some of these awhile ago and some just lately, but I already feel better. And I have so much time with his frequent napping, especially in the mornings, that I can do this for myself. And for Elias. And for Jeremy.

(And speaking of Elias, have you seen him lately? He just keeps getting cuter. And fatter. Yay!

He's been so much more fun lately, starting to laugh, holding on to me when I hold him, getting excited when I reach down to pick him up. Don't get me wrong, it's not like every day is easy, but I am so in love with that beautiful, fun, little boy that it's--mostly--okay when it's hard.)

And in related news:

This week I've been eating leftovers of Heidi Swanson's Chunky Lentil soup, which has been so good. And there have been plenty of leftovers since Jeremy won't eat it :-/ (Not a fan of the lentils, that guy.) It's about a cup or so of green lentils, a cup of stock or water, a couple cups of diced butternut squash, a 28 oz can of whole peeled tomatoes, with smoked paprika, parmesan, and a drizzle of olive oil. YUM. We're also eating this soup for the second time this month, and it. is. so. good. Watch out you pregnant ladies: this is what I'll be dropping off for your dinner after the baby. You can fill it out with so many vegetables, and the guys will still eat it because of the tortellini.

Anyway, it's recipes like these that I'll be trying to eat more of. It's nice to know that I just took a hiatus from making and enjoying food, not a permanent break. We're getting back to our new normal...we're not there yet, but we're on our way.

Christmastime

I don't know about everyone else, but Christmas always sneaks up on me. This year has been a little better, since I'm not in school or working, so I have had more time to enjoy the season and all the coziness and sweetness that comes with it. Even so, I have a hard time focusing on God and Jesus and the magical message of his birth; it just seems to become so diluted by Christmas shopping and Christmas cooking and Christmas parties, etc., etc. But! My friend Barbara has been doing a series of posts on the Christmas story, fictional pieces written in the voice of those involved in the birth of Christ, and it has been wonderful. Funny and touching, picking up on the details that I always miss when I read it in the Bible. Barbara always seems to zero in on the true nature of God in a way that I so appreciate, and she's always given me a more complete picture of God and His goodness than I have on my own. Can you tell I'm a big fan of hers?? Anyway, here's a link to her blog and those posts; I'd start at the beginning (there have been five), the piece entitled "In Morning Light". Barbara, these could be the start of a book, methinks. :-) I hope you all enjoy them the way that I have.

formula

When Elias was first born, I thought that most of the painful, hard stuff would be over. I mean, I knew I would be sleepy, and wouldn't know what I was doing for awhile, etc., etc., but I was looking forward to the mostly physical stuff being over: being so uncomfortable, ending the pre-eclampsia symptoms, and that sort of thing.

But when we started to nurse, it quickly became apparent something was wrong. He wasn't getting what he needed; he fell asleep as soon as we started, and I couldn't for the life of me wake him up; he started losing weight. Then the doctor told me that I needed to supplement him with formula. I can't really express how much this hurt my heart. I had been looking forward to nursing as I had been looking forward to Elias! I loved the simplicity of being able to continue to feed my baby with my body alone, and I longed for the quiet closeness of feeding time.

There was none of that in the early weeks. I cried, he cried; we struggled with the supplementer. Feeding him took well over an hour, and then I would pump afterwards to stimulate more milk. I took (and still take) herbal supplements. I would set my alarm to wake him up at night to eat. It was harder than pregnancy and labor put together. The hardest was giving him formula. I know that formula is an amazing product, that it keeps babies alive, it even helps them thrive. But to see that he needed more than me to do that, killed me. I wanted him to have my milk. And it hurt that he was just as excited about formula as he was about what I had to give.

He's not having to be supplemented anymore because I have enough to give him. And that has been AMAZING. I've started to gain the benefits of those hard, hard hours of work.

But this whole situation made me think about God, and about how He nourishes me. Now the two situations are so different: Elias DID need something more in the beginning. But again, he seemed to like the formula just as much as the milk that I produced for him. And I thought about God, and how He has this perfect food for us: it nourishes and grows us better than anything else could. And yet, for me, and probably for others too, it's not enough. I need more. I need Jeremy and my comfort and pretty clothes and people to take care of me. I need, I need, I "need". And do I love those other things as much as I love God? I take less of His perfect food, made just for me, because He provides those other things for me as well. Because He is kind and gracious. And those other things together can be part of His nourishment of me, but I think that many times I start to look to those things first. I look to the formula first, instead of the other way around.

Baby stuff

I thought I would do a short post on some of the things we received for the baby, what has been super helpful to have and what has not been so great, since I have several friends right now who are expecting--

1. Prince Lionheart wiper warmer: I know, I know-- a wiper warmer is not a necessary. You may even think I'm spoiling him. But at this point I know this at least: you pick your battles. And at 3 a.m., when you're changing a squirmy little guy's diaper and trying to keep him at least a little quiet so your husband who has to go to work in the morning can sleep, OR you finally got him to sleep and don't want him to wake up, a wiper warmer is awesome. And, this isn't California; it gets COLD here at night, even with the heat on, and so this thing has been great. It doesn't shock him like the cold disposables do.

2. Cloth wipes: These go in the wiper warmer and they're awesome. I can NOT believe how many wipes we can go through in one week, probably a hundred fifty (since we went through one hundred diapers this last week!!), and so this has proven much less wasteful and more pleasant for the baby overall. Thirsties Fab Wipes are what we have and we bought about 3 packs (18 total), which is just barely enough. I'd like to get some more at some point soon. And they're so cute and soft.

3. This pail liner is awesome; it's washable and dri-able, so you can just dump it in the wash with everything else.

4. You need a Moby wrap or a baby sling. Period. I just vacuumed, swept the kitchen, and cleaned the bathroom with Elias snuggled up against me and using both of my hands. I think I like the Moby wrap better for a newborn because I can fit him up higher much easier than with the sling, but my goodness we sweat so much when we're in it! It'll be good for this winter while he's so small but I think we'll transition quickly to the sling when it both gets warmer and he gets bigger.

5. Newborn sized clothing. I thought he would be huge, so we barely had any of these and actually had to buy some after he was born.

6. Two Boppy (obviously, you need a Boppy or something similar) covers, crib sheets, and changing table pads. Or three.

7. Bundle Me stroller/car seat cover. So soft and cozy, I think this will take us straight through winter here.

8. Changing pad for your diaper bag, for when your newborn is screaming in the backseat because they have a wet diaper and you have to change them in the car because there's no place with a changing table nearby.

9. Lansinoh nipple cream. You'll understand by that second week.

10. An electric breast pump. I fought against this for a long time, but that manual one was horrific. The electric one is much more gentle. (I do know some people that like the manual better, but I had a very hard time with it and couldn't express anything because it was so uncomfortable.)

11. Side Sleeper/ Co-sleeper or a bassinet for your bedroom. I have really appreciated being able to just reach over when he's crying in the middle of the night (which is all the time) instead of stumbling down the hallway. For the first couple of months, at least, I can't imagine having anything else.

12. Fenugreek: If you have any problems with your milk supply, this herbal supplement is really helpful, and this brand is great. I've noticed a huge difference using it. Also, Mother's Milk tea and Red Raspberry Leaf tea are galactogogues as well.

13. A swaddle blanket. Elias' arms and legs are constantly moving and wake him up if they aren't pinned down. This helps him sleep a HUNDRED times better than he was before. And, this particular one will keep him swaddled, while with the other ones (and we tried out a few!) couldn't withstand his constant movement and would eventually come undone, and he would wake up. With this particular one: watch when you wash it, b/c all of the velcro can get stuck on other clothing, etc., in the wash.

14. A couple of soft hats. It's too cold for a baby to not have their head covered around here. It reminds me of the women in my family; whenever they would see a baby with it's head uncovered, they'd say (loudly), "That baby needs a hat!"

15. And finally, I think I would get a nursing cover for next time; at some point, he can figure out nursing himself and I won't need to see him to help him along, but it's been a struggle to keep modest and help him along, especially since so many people are going to be visiting you and the baby. I've just been draping a blanket/sling over us, but I can't see him, and it hasn't been working very well.

What you may not need much of:

1. Socks. These don't get dirty, so he goes through, like, 2 a week. Of course, we don't have a girl, so this may just be partly because we don't have a lot of "outfits" we're putting together and coordinating socks with.

2. Fancy, expensive clothes that aren't easy to get in and out of. We stick to cheaper onesies and pants most days.

3. Huggies diapers. I have literally watched as the pee poured out of these horrible things right onto me, the couch, my husband, etc. Get Pampers or Luvs instead. (Although maybe with a girl these would be different.)

4. Receiving blankets. These are basically just used as burp cloths around here at this point since they're just too small to do much warming.

What you may want to wait for:

1. An infant seat OR swing. I think you have to know your baby's personality before buying something like this. We have the Little Lamb chair, and he's not a big fan. Knowing him now, I would totally have gotten a swing instead. He likes movement and gets bored really quickly in this seat. I'm lucky if I can set him in here for a quick bathroom break.

Elias

It's been almost two months since I've posted. But I have a good excuse. The first month I was too pregnant. And in this second month, I have a baby.

He's a keeper for sure.

The weeks leading up his birth were a little tense, since I developed preeclampsia, but I was able, thankfully, to avoid artificial induction, a c-section (barely), and any complications with the preeclampsia. Labor was hard and long, and I'm still recovering even now, but learning life with this little person has been much more intensive and difficult than labor ever was. But I'm looking at him right now, and he's totally giggling in his sleep, and I'm thinking it was totally worth it, even though the hard part isn't over yet.

I think what has been the most fun was finding that he wasn't quite the stranger I expected him to be. I mean, he was at first, but we have gotten to know him in these last four (four already?!) weeks, and he just seems an extension of us already.

So we're good, getting back into a routine now that Jeremy's paternity leave is over, and trying to figure out how to be parents to this little guy. And I'm beginning to look forward to Jeremy's and my birthday on the 13th, and Diana's visit later that week, and Christmas, and Aunt Crystal's visit in early January... lots to look forward to in these next weeks.

Trail of tears

This is a picture, not of real blood or tears, but of ice cream. Nutella ice cream. I tried to make Mom's birthday cake with an inner layer of Nutella ice cream... and then it all melted. Everywhere.

Fortunately, the cake itself was wonderful, the ganache on top was divine, and some of the ice cream melted through the bottom layer of cake, making it very moist and lovely ;-)

Thought I would share some recipes that I used that night that turned out a bit better:

Chocolate "Far from Disaster" cake from Orangette

Easy-peasy spaghetti/tomato sauce by 101cookbooks that I used for pizza

Raw&Cooked Vegetable salad (that was wonderful!) from Lydia's Italy (Barbara, you would love this!)

And some other recipes that I've made lately that will be added to the regular rotation:

Blueberry oatmeal muffins

Cinnamon Raisin Oatmeal muffins

Caramelized Corn with Bacon and Tomatoes