I think it's because we're still in the same place that we have been for so long, and I can hear myself harping on "The House". Have you noticed that I don't call it "Our Home"? Or even, "Our House"? I have. It's still this thing that we're doing; a never ending project hanging over our heads. A perpetual full-time burden that we've been fighting against (with? for?) for over two years now.
So that's why I haven't written. I'm tired of talking about it, of explaining what it is that is so draining to/on us as a family, of being alternately defensive for our decision to buy, and a bully to our two-years-ago selves for what now seems like a miss. Or was it? Jeremy and I still haven't decided.
Our appraisal was yesterday. We're still waiting to find out what decision the bank makes-- done enough? Or still more work until they'll label it "finished" and give us a regular home loan and a freedom (mental and physical) to go on with our lives as mere homeowners instead of contractors? We hope to hear by the weekend.
It doesn't seem real yet, and it won't until we find out our fate. Regardless, "The House" is almost done, really and truly, and soon we'll be moving upstairs-- giving our boy his own space, full of color and room and, and, and. And Jeremy and I will finally have our space too. We can't wait to have a bedroom again, and a full-time marriage.
I hope that someday this house will have a new name. And I hope that the next time I write here, it will not be about anything but Elias, or a new recipe I've found, or how we've chosen to decorate our home. And hopefully, since I'll be writing about fun things, I won't be so distant from this place.