Tuesday, September 20, 2011

18 days

18 days until my baby boy is less baby, more kid. E is turning one year old a couple Saturdays from now, and both Jeremy and I have begun that whole "Our baby isn't going to be a baby much longer" kind of thing that I imagine most all parents do. Jeremy has been more emotional than I've been so far, but I'm pretty sure it's because I'm repressing an ocean of heartache until the actual day of his birthday. That's just how I roll. Oops, just writing that created a bit of a leak, figuratively and literally.

My goodness, his first year is almost done. And with it, so many other things, too numerous to write down here.

What I'll miss:

His dependence on us. He loves to go to other people now, and enjoys the company of others. And I know that will continue more and more, as he starts to have a life apart from us.

Nursing. He's still going strong, don't get me wrong, but it's less frequently now, and not as sweet as before, unless he's sleepy. He's usually smacking me or trying to grab his feet, and my. goodness. those. teeth.

Cuddling with him. I think this will come back, but for now that kid wants to MOVE. In the morning, when WE are feeling most cuddly, he's just psyched to see his toys after being away from them all night.

I don't know... He was my BABY. And now he's getting to be a little boy. And while I've made the decision to embrace his growing up, to celebrate the upcoming year with all our might on the 8th, it's the past year that will be on my mind too. And I don't think that will change in the coming years.

And I really do want to celebrate his getting older. He's going to be a fine boy and a good man someday. And I am looking forward to getting to know him more and more and more.

And yet, tears for now.


  1. I feel that way all the time. Everytime Seth reaches a milestone I am so happy and excited, but I want cry at the same time. And now it is starting all over again with Lucy.

    Enjoy your boy being 1, it is a great age.

  2. "Firsts" are noted and memorable: first words, first steps, first real laugh. But "lasts" . . . ? they all too often slip by unnoticed in the moment and are only seen from a hazy distant hindsight. And that's ok, I suppose. Protection from Jesus. BUT ... let me tell you that there are GREAT days ahead!

    You will get to see him choose his friends and see the delight of joy in his eyes when he has a first REAL friend. That is great!. He will come to you to TALK!! He will share his insights, the things that made him laugh, the wonders that made his eyes shine and his heart leap. I can't find words to tell you what that is like!! He will rush off to play then turn and PURPOSELY run back to give you one more hug. He will learn to read and you will walk by his room and find him curled around and glued to a book that you have loved and read and he is finding for the very first time. He will say and do things just like his dad ... and sometimes just like you. He will be a man, and tell you funny things that happened when he was a boy. It is worth the first birthday. Buy a box of Kleenex. Go ahead and cry. And through the blur of tears, look up ahead. The view is great!!