Saturday, May 5, 2012


The house has been deemed "finished" by the bank. Our appraisal is back from the appraiser (good news there-- the value went up), and we're getting ready to sign yet another set of papers.

It's hard to believe that it's really over (and why would it not be? This has been our life for three years!), and Jeremy and I aren't really celebrating big. It's been too hard to celebrate, almost. Imagine you're a kid on the playground, and a big bully comes up to you and punches you in the face and you fall to the ground. A teacher sees it and hauls him or her to the principal's office. I mean, you're happy that the bully got caught. You've been redeemed, sort of. But, dang, your face is visibly bruised. Your butt is bruised where you fell. Everyone saw your embarrassment. So you aren't really happy. Just sort of relieved it's over. And hoping that you and everyone else can just move on.

I know that this lack of joy won't last forever. We're planning a big party for everyone who was involved in working on the house for later in the summer. It's an amazing amount of people. There will be lots of food, and showing off the finished product, and it will be lots of fun :-) But right now we're working on healing up from the bruises, and the embarrassment. The lack of rest. The consistent, constant presence of anxiety. Social lives that were permanently put on hold. The lack of purpose for our lives without having to put work on the house first.

But yes, it's really over. The recuperation begins. And for that, I am so grateful.


  1. Beyond happy for you guys. Beyond.

  2. Wow! I feel -- in reacting to this AMAZING blog -- like I am two planes, on two very different dimensions know, like the pictures of intersecting planes from some 10th grade geometry text. And the thing about PICTURES of planes is that they look merely like squares, but we are told to 'know' that they are 'really' without edge, going on on and on and on in all directions ~ and the pictures show the one specific: the point of intersection.

    OK...back from the boring...

    On one 'plane' I feel your emotion. I FEEL it as I read. You capture the discordant notes of the emotions of the years of you and the house. I feel the vibrations and revereration, the disonance, the melody, the notes as they hang in the air. You pulled me wrapped me in it. WOW!!!

    On the other ~ wow wow wow wow woww wow wow you are such an artist!!!! The writing, the words, the sounds. You are an ARTIST! i LOVE you!