Friday, April 30, 2010

cloudy morning

It's so nice and warm outside AND stormy and windy and gray. I love Spring around here; it's almost as if it's the time of year when the weather itself is feeling alive, newly woken from the frigidity of winter, ready to bring chaos and movement into the world again.

Speaking of alive and chaos and movement-- I have a baby in my tummy. You know how I know? I felt it kicking this morning in a very real "My baby just kicked me from the inside of my body" kind of way. I had my hand on my stomach and actually saw it MOVE once. If that's not alive (for the baby) and chaotic (for me) I don't know what is. The only times I've felt he/she kick is when I've been praying for them. I know it's because he/she feels their Heavenly Father loving on them and spending time with them and giving them the nourishment that they need, and I'm so glad, because I want them to know that they are His, and I want them to know that feeling of belonging and love from the very second they are able.

Being pregnant and expecting a baby feels absolutely nothing like I thought it would. It's so much scarier and overwhelming than I thought it would be. And I know that it will be okay and wonderful and normal all very soon, but I'm not there yet, neither of us are. And I guess that's a part of the process too.

1 comment:

  1. 1) Once when your amazing friend Beth was about 2 she came to me and said, "Mommy, remember when I was in your tummy and Jesus was in your heart and he used to come down and visit me?" I believed her! I know exactly exactly how you feel. I often felt something so priveledged that it was quite akin to guilt...that Ed would never get to experience what "person actually inside of you" felt like.
    2) I love how you write ~ I love like I feel the thrill of it inside of me, I think I feel it where my mind and my soul and my spirit connect. It feels like your voice, not like words before my eyes. I love it. Thank you for writing.
    3) Your insight on my blog: PERFECT!!! I don't know how you do it, but you manage to wrap words around things so deep that while I instantly identify with what you say...I know I had believed it but never 'seen' it until you proclaimed it. I love it!!!